Brother Triple K – A poem

When I look at you I don’t see white
When I look at me I don’t see black
Not because I’m colour blind…Well sort of
I see another human being that I share my fears
Frustrations, anger and excitement with
I see you

Whereas you want to bash in my head
With the nearest biggest rock you can find
Or watch me hang
Whereas you want to see the inside of my head
The whites of my brain, red of my blood,
Veins intertwined with skull bone and scalp hair
Or watch me wriggling then turn limp with eyes
Bulging, and my tongue sticking out as my last “Fuck You”

I just want to hug you
My brother
My Triple K brother.

-Stephen Nelson.

Alone But not Lonely

 

I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t have many friends. But do you see me moping around acting like a homesick boarding school teenager? No!

For some strange reason I enjoy being alone and by myself most of the time. Strange because man has evolved into a social being with all the responsibilities and rights that come with such an evolution. This involves among other things making friends, keeping the good ones, cutting off the bad ones etc. Alas this evolution left me behind.

By myself I feel less fidgety and nervous. I don’t get that feeling that a thousand pairs of eyes are on me scrutinizing my every move – from nose picking to sneezing. I get to think better when I’m alone too. I doubt any kind of productive thinking can occur with the whole world watching, and God forbid reading your thoughts as they form in that little coconut of yours.

Most of the things I think about are about efficiency in my day-to-day dealings with the world. When to wake up, what to do right out of bed and more importantly what time I allocate to these things, until I hit the bed late at night. Thinking is one thing, doing is quite another. So then I ask myself why think at all if I don’t get any of these things done, and done right? Well, I can’t help myself. I don’t see myself doing any other important thing in my leisure time other than think. I’m  no Gandhi or Einstein but I’m a thinker, of sorts. Give me an isolated room atop a mountain anywhere in the world, that’s not too cold and I might end up coming up with a solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict, global hunger and poverty, AIDS and understanding those aliens we call women. Hell, I’ll even cool the planet if you throw in twelve dozen chilled six-pack beers.

Back to the girlfriend issue. The last one I had dumped me (I never get to do the dumping) in 2008 because she wants more out of life than I could give her, money-wise. That’s it. She didn’t leave because I was a lousy lover in and out of bed, or because I did really bad things like chewing with my mouth open.

That whole experience left me really fucked up. Should I have just manned up and forget the bitch and move on? If I could I would have. I happen to be the sensitive kind so matters of the heart do matter to me.

But lately I’ve found that I’ve become more interested again. I’ve started looking around but I still haven’t found any suitable mates ( Jezzus I sound like David Attenborough talking about Orangutan breeding habits). So in the mean time it’s just me and my thinking sessions and my lubricants 😉

_Steve (@song_1985)

 

Consistently inconsistent

My inability to be consistent, doggedly so in one particular task for a sustained period of time is causing me great head ache.

I seem to have a chronic disease that prevents me from finishing anything substantial that I start. I write sporadically when I should be doing it on a daily basis. I only sketch when I am hit in the head by an invisible inspiration pebble.

At 25, I am yet to complete any thing of substance that I started well, with a lot of conviction and mental energy. I am losing friends because of the number of times I blow hot and cold. My slight manic-depressive disposition doesn’t help matters either.Controlling the wild side of me is some times like ” having a four year old jumping on your lap”, to quote Michael J. Fox. And when the ultra-mellow side also takes over, it takes a fucking caterpillar to scrape me off the ground.

I am dealing with this though; painstakingly.

And so I have decided to post at least one blog entry every day from now or stop blogging at all. The only time I will excuse myself is if my circumstances prevent me from blogging. A hand injury, interrupted access to the internet etc…

To better days ahead.
-dUke-