Consistently inconsistent

My inability to be consistent, doggedly so in one particular task for a sustained period of time is causing me great head ache.

I seem to have a chronic disease that prevents me from finishing anything substantial that I start. I write sporadically when I should be doing it on a daily basis. I only sketch when I am hit in the head by an invisible inspiration pebble.

At 25, I am yet to complete any thing of substance that I started well, with a lot of conviction and mental energy. I am losing friends because of the number of times I blow hot and cold. My slight manic-depressive disposition doesn’t help matters either.Controlling the wild side of me is some times like ” having a four year old jumping on your lap”, to quote Michael J. Fox. And when the ultra-mellow side also takes over, it takes a fucking caterpillar to scrape me off the ground.

I am dealing with this though; painstakingly.

And so I have decided to post at least one blog entry every day from now or stop blogging at all. The only time I will excuse myself is if my circumstances prevent me from blogging. A hand injury, interrupted access to the internet etc…

To better days ahead.
-dUke-

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One thought on “Consistently inconsistent

  1. Elikem says:

    Strikes a cord in my heart strings bruv… When u speak u speak on my behalf too…
    I’m also struggling wid something like that….

    Currently them that are close to me wonder if they’ve done something wrong cos I’ve been temperamental… snapping like some dog nursing unseen wounds… & the truth?… yes i’m nursing wounds brought on by fierce ambition & the fear that wrestles me to submission.. yes submission to the evil spirit of incompletion…

    Once I broke down and cried… once I just up and left… then I broke the heart of dem that love me… before i realised I had to come back… I always do

    Yes… once too often, self pity engulfs me
    yet always I continue to nurture my ambition, my dream
    once everywhile i cry within
    yet still, leftover strength gets me hoping

    I may be down now
    but if I know myself at all, I’m sure i’m not out
    I still breathe & so I rise still
    for it is engraved in my mind and in my heart
    Never to Give up.

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