Help me to speak (About Stuttering)

Lump in throat during a block

This is one subject that is close to my heart since I am a stutterer myself.

This video gives a very accurate glimpse into my daily experiences,frustrations and occasionally suicidal thoughts brought on by manic-depressive tendencies.

What gets to me personally is the fact that for years and years the only place I’ve been fluent is in my head. This is a problem since the majority of human communication- at least for now- takes place verbally. You can’t imagine the number of occasions I’ve seen golden opportunities to make new friends and business partners slip by because I couldn’t let my voice be heard, stand up for someone (since that’s the type of person that I am), say my name at times, or just plain speaking up.

One reason is the fear of mockery. It is the most powerful of all the fears a stutter faces I think. Don’t misunderstand me at all I have an overly developed sense of humour so I see the funny side to a lot of things but when you want to make a serious point whiles in a neutral state of emotion or angry, you want people to take you seriously. Very hard to do when you keep choking on vowels, consonants and tense up your body so hard to words out that you feel numb at the end of the exchange.

It is for this reason that I’ve led most of my life as a pseudo mute.

Getting help has been hard and slow but with age the stress that comes with talking fades a bit. It is not as severe as when I cried in J.S.S when I couldn’t answer a question I knew the answer to after raising my hand too eagerly.

This post is already too long since the documentary is about 47mins but since this is like a an ex-footballer talking about sports I had to kind of get into a bit of my life as well.


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